how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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