UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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