just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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