remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
