Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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