I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
