Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
