today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
