Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
