I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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