On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
