you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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