Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
