i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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