Need sex. Gaining weight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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