Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
