I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
