Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
