everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
