Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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