did you get engaged???
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
