im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
