I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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