dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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