I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
