eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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