omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
