Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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