At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
