i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
