I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
