We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How's work?
Spinning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
