I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
