The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
