just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
