By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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