Just fell off a train. Bad.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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