I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
