officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Your cock deserves a montage
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
