shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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