I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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