I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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