i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
