In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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