So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
