guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
