My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
