Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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