We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
