You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
